You Got This
It's your third stand-up gig.
An open spot. Two minutes. That's nothing. That's nothing at all. What is that? Five good lines? It's like walking on, saying hello, and walking the fuck back off again. You can do this. You got this! But, man, the nerves are unreal! Backstage everyone is freaking out. Even the veterans look wired.
Maybe you should have had a drink first. One drink. A cognac. Yeah, that's what Kanye was drinking that night he invaded the stage at the MTV awards. Bravado Juice. A couple of cognacs and--
It's too late now. The MC is talking you up. He's not saying your name. He's probably forgotten it.
Okay, listen. Listen. You're sure your material is pretty good. It's nothing amazing, but it's pretty good. It should be good <i>enough</i>. It's time to find out.
You step out onto the stage.
Jesus. The lights. You can barely see. Hand on the mike stand. Light grip. Other hand out of view. No visible shakes. Never let them see you shake.
You got this.
"Hey! Good evening! It's so great to be here. My name is --