You're Turning into a Cat

Jason Mixon

The first inkling that this was happening occurred on your job interview earlier today. When the manager of “Dotty-Dot's Kiddie Apparel and Consignments” excused herself to rush to the ladies' room, you had a sudden and powerful urge to raise your left leg in the air and begin cleaning yourself with your tongue. Human reasoning interfered with this urge as you knew your spine could not curve that sharply--and that was the only thing stopping you from trying.
Nevertheless, when the manager returned, she picked up on the weirdness you didn’t know you were exhibiting. The interview ended quickly, much to your surprise.
Now, reflecting on the day, you understand why the interview was cut short. You were sweaty and bouncy and giving off all the non-verbal cues of someone who could and would never be employed. But that's the way it's been for you lately. You're not surprised.
You are seated at your favorite table in your favorite restaurant, a New York-style deli. It's full of red and blue festival lights, pop music and pretty people chatting. You've just received your corned beef sandwich on rye. It may be your last as your bank account is almost empty. But, oh well.
The Trouble with Human Food...