Humans are Assholes

Brook Warner Jensen

"Excuse me, sir."
<b>"I'm quite busy at the moment"</b>
"Yes, but God?"
"Well you see, it's about humanity, sir."
<b>"Alright, alright, fine. What is it about them? They're perfect, aren't they?"</b>
"Well I'll admit that they are quite... aesthetically pleasing, and they have your body which, might I say master, is quite fine indeed..."
"But... well besides the occasional fight over a scrap of food, with all due respect, sir, all they do is wander about eating and fucking."
<b>"That's no good?"</b>
"Well, when we started this project I was under the impression we would be building a society, not a bunch of apes."
<b>"I gave them enough intelligence to make a society."</b>
"Yes well, it clearly isn't working."
<b>"Then what do you suggest?"</b>
"I believe it may be time to lay down some edicts."
"Yes, sir, rules decreed by the almighty God unto the blessed mortals. The groundwork for a society built on virtue, justice, and a love of God."
<b>"Those do all sound like very good things."</b>
"Indeed they do, sir. Indeed they do."
<b>"Where do we start?"</b>
"We, and by we I mean you, start small. Give me your rule number zero, your foundation upon which all society is based, and I shall ensure that it is given to them."
<b>"How will they know it's from me?"</b>
"Well with your permission I shall preceed it with a miracle or two; perhaps a couple explosions or just some pretty lights. That should sway them pretty quick."
<b>"They're not too bright, are they?"</b>
"{!try fruit:Not yet, sir. }So, where shall we start?"
"Be Fruitful and Multiply"